WTF (What The FAFSA)?

Seriously, have you ever tried filling one of these things out. Things I never knew about myself that now the government wants to be made privy to. Like how much money I paid in taxes last year. I don’t want to know that! Are they just trying to make me angry? My mother’s social security number. I’m 26 years old people, what’s my mom got to do with it? What’s your mom’s social security number? See how that feels? You don’t want to give that to me. What a question. More examples, as clearly as I can remember them from three days ago:

 Are you a retired veteran of the United States Military? What? A veteran? Two pages ago I explained in great detail that I was born in 1982, gave you my social security number, ever single numerical value from my W2, and you can’t gather from that information the fact that I might not have been present to storm the beaches of Normandy? Are you serious?

What amount, if any, of your parent’s income was received through non-traditional workforce means, as in contributions to their personal finances by way of private donations, government programs, and food stamps? Huh? I’m not asking my parents that. What a question. What does it even mean? I gave my parents a ham for Thanksgiving last year, is that what they’re talking about? A Thanksgiving ham? Is there a numerical amount on that, above and beyond the actually price paid? Is  there some kind of sentimental value attained by a Thanksgiving ham that would somehow prevent me from getting the full dollar amount from the government so that I can go to RN school? What about Birthday presents? What about when everyone in the office pools money together to get lunch, but maybe my dad put his money in last, and the guy collecting the money was like “don’t worry, man, there’s enough here already,” is that the kind of thing we’re talking about here?

On your tax return, what, if any, amount was allocated for the purchasing of non-traditional food items, including but not limited to cheese that may or may not be sold in it’s natural form, in a can or other alternate device, and which may or may not retain its original and natural color? Okay, so that’s not, perhaps, the exact wording of the question as far as I can remember, but that’s just about the gist of it.

Then they take all this information, all this crazy weirdo information, and somehow come up with a magical number that they feel they can spare from the US government so that small, insignificant you can go and learn how to do nursing real good. Then they give you another number that you can borrow from a bank, and then pay it back at about three times its original value. This last number is usually a lot larger than that first number. I don’t know, but if I were the US government I’d maybe start giving less of its hard-earned money to future business analysts, and more to the people that may potentially save your life someday. Or how about this: take all that money that I paid the government last year, and give it back so that I can go to school this year. What better use can they possibly think of for it but to put someone like me through RN school. Come on.